I can be annoying. Anyone who knows me well says so. Even my own children state the obvious: “Mom, you’re annoying.”
In my defense, I have always been this way. It speaks to the theory that we are born with the building blocks of our personality, so I can blame it on my gene pool. Add in parental influence, and I have a quirk that has been a part of me since before I can remember.
But there is a large part of me that chooses to be this way. I find it gives me a familiar path to follow no matter what the circumstances.
Simply put, I am a seeker of positivity. In situations that can throw a curve into a person’s well-planned out life, I choose to look for the positives that can be relished rather than dwell in the negative results of an event. Phrases like “It could have been worse,” “luckily this didn’t happen,” and “I was so blessed” creep into my thoughts and conversations. I can hear my mother saying “There’s always a silver lining …” or “You can’t have a rainbow without the rain.”
My children find it particularly annoying when they choose to embrace the negative vibes and wallow in their misfortune. I can see their point. Everyone needs those moments when they feel the universe is plotting against them and all is lost to karma. They find joy in the realization that the world as they know it has ended and then in walks their mom and she is giving thanks that it could have been worse. How can it be worse when your entire world is in shambles? That can definitely be annoying.
Now don’t get me wrong. There have been times that I have felt great sorrow. Embracing positivity doesn’t mean you do not feel pain or loss. There have been times that my eyes have ached, and no more tears could be shed. Positivity is the acceptance of sorrow, and pain as part of the plan – but only a part of the plan. It is at these times of sorrow that a person must choose between acceptance of the situation with an opportunity to learn and grow or acceptance of the situation with no future.
The best way for me to explain is by example.
As I have grown older, I have gradually lost my mobility. I have gone from occasional pain in my legs to a growing weakness and continual debilitating pain that greatly affects my range of mobility and comfort. I no longer move without thinking which direction would be easier or even question if that movement is possible. My knees alert me to every change in weather and my alluring perfume has been replaced by the comforting aroma of menthol muscle creams.
I have increased my knowledge in mobility aids and the value of doing as much exercise as my back allows. I marvel at the vast variety of walkers that are available and learned that various situations call for different styles of walkers. I feel grateful that with these aids I can still manage to get around. Does this mean that a part of me doesn’t long to speed walk around WalMart and tromp through the woods? Definitely not!
I have also realized that there are others who are bedridden and unable to walk across the room. I choose to celebrate what I can do and not dwell on what I can’t.
If other patients in a waiting room ask me about my walking stick verses the short cane version, I gladly explain why I have chosen the titanium hiking pole over the four-pronged cane and share the necessity of having a variety of mobility aids to adjust to various situations. I am always grateful that with these aids I can walk.
I am also aware there are people who struggle with the acceptance of limited mobility, who are angry that life has handed them this reality. Some are so angry that they refuse to venture into other realms of possibilities. They wait for the return of what is lost, and that negativity affects everything and everyone around them.
Here’s the Thing: Life is full of choices — what to eat for breakfast, what to wear, where to go for lunch, to bungee jump off a bridge (seeing if you are paying attention), and it is up to you to decide whether to seek positivity or negativity.
How you frame your view of this world will greatly affect what picture you see. If your frame is dark and limited, so is your world. If your frame is enlightened and searching, your possibilities are endless.
Be aware, however, that there are people who find your choice of positivity annoying and wish you would simply go away. Take this opportunity to back up and spread your sunshine somewhere else. Take solace in the thought that even that instant of sunshine might have given enough light for that person to see another day.
mamaschwartz@hotmail.com
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Editor’s Note: This is one of a series of articles written by a group of retired and current teachers — LaNae Abnet, Ken Ballinger, Billy Kreigh, Kathy Schwartz, and Anna Spalding. Their intent is to spur discussions at the dinner table and elsewhere. You may also voice your thoughts and reactions via The News-Banner’s letters to editor.
