Thursday morning I spent some time with our now-retired United Way director, Pamela Beckford. As the current board chair, she and I needed to go over a few details to ensure United Way things that need to happen actually do.
As our conversation was winding down, I expressed my gratitude for the work she has done over the past 23-plus years. We had a short discussion about how rare it is to hear those words in our everyday life.
Why do we wait until we come to a huge milestone before telling someone how much they are appreciated? I’m asking rhetorically, but human nature is my best guess. We take those around us for granted most of the time. A few words of affirmation here or there can make all the difference.
Recently, my wife and I were on vacation with a group of friends from high school. We look forward to these trips all year. There’s nothing like spending time with the ocean, 85-degree weather and people you love.
Early in the week someone in our group proposed we tackle a question of the day. Some of the topics were silly, but one was especially impactful for all of us.
“What is the love language you prefer to receive from your spouse and how do you communicate back to him/her?”
The love languages I’m referencing are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch.
As each person gave their answers we realized that most of us were not giving our partner what they needed most. The vast majority of us wanted words of affirmation from our spouse.
For the past few weeks, Larisa and I have talked quite a bit about words of affirmation.
They cost nothing.
They should be easy to give.
We should want the people closest to us to know how we feel about them.
And yet we don’t.
Meanwhile, a few kind words can make all the difference.
It’s hard for Larisa to vocalize those words, it’s a by-product of her upbringing. She’s made quite an effort, going out of her way to leave notes and she blowing kisses to me on our home security camera when she’s home for lunch. She also tells me that she’s proud of me. She tells me how lucky she feels that we are together. I appreciate the words but most of all I appreciate the effort.
Those words come easier for me, but I can be stingy in giving them out.
Words of affirmation aren’t limited to our loved ones. Anyone in our sphere of influence should hear them from us.
Words matter.
As I have mentioned before, I am an avid bike rider — weather permitting. For years, I seemed to be riding at the same time as a person walking along the Interurban Trail or the Rivergreenway. One day I stopped them and told them how much I appreciated their tenacity and noted how much progress they had made physically.
I don’t know the person and I didn’t ask their name. I would like to think that our brief interaction was a highlight of their day. It’s possible that they thought I was insane. I’m sure I made an impression one way or another.
I’m a work in progress, just like everyone else.
dougb@news-banner.com
