Life is many things – funny, exciting, appreciated, often good, sometimes surprising, patently painful, occasionally confusing, extremely long and extremely short, breakable, fixable, troubling, comforting….a continuous flow of change. What’s a person to do in the face of such uncontrollable and unpredictable reality? Well, appears that in almost every circumstance, we have some form of choice. The choices may not be inherently obvious at first glance, they may not seem doable, they often are not even choices that we want. Sometimes the choices strike us between “bad and really bad.” What to do?
If you have experienced walking on this planet for more than seven years, then you know that whenever you plan something, whenever you count on someone or something, whenever you just know how everything is going to turn out, whenever you think you can safely say, “Yep, just take that to the bank,” well, it can be hazardous. Life does not always follow the path we thought we designed so painstakingly. Now the real kicker for me is when I think that my point is so succinct, comprehensible, logical, supported, and so transparently obvious that absolutely no one can find a point of disagreement…and then someone does. What the hey, I say! What’s wrong with you? How in the heck can you not get it?
My initial response in these cases that occur with some frequency is that it must be “them” ‘cause it sure as the dickens cannot be me! I rail against the very idea that maybe I could have been more clear or (and this one really slaps the crap out of me) that maybe I could be wrong. Gasp! Yes, that does happen and even after a million times, I still find it difficult to admit that I am incorrect, mistaken, erroneous….Ok, Ok…wrong. I am working on that unique flaw in my basic character. I must realistically deal with eliminating the thought that being always right is just in my DNA. I said I am working on it.
Now here’s the rub, sometimes I am not wrong. I have the receipts, I know the facts, I have considered other views, I have done my due diligence, and I have reached a decision and I am pretty dang sure that I am right. Yet still, I face staunch disagreement. I ask again, what’s a person to do? I have numerous options; some are more appropriate and socially acceptable than others. Generally, I lean toward the inappropriate. I am working on it.
My flipping someone off or suggesting that they “bite me” may not be conducive to civilized conversation and discussion. Well, there is that. But when I believe with every fiber of my being that I am right, I have choices and how I choose can make all the difference to how I can continue. We all grasp the concept of disagreement. It happens, frequently. I do not find compromise and that give and take of life among other humans abhorrent or even disagreeable. I prefer that outcome, but I do not and will not compromise on those things that serve as the very basis of what I hold worthwhile, even sacred.
I had this very scenario occur during this latest election cycle. Disagreement was rampant throughout the country and friends and family were not immune to the consequences of serious disagreement. This was beyond the usual arguments of policies, taxes, and philosophy of governing. The election of 2024 dealt with the very most basic vision and the essence of what it means to be the United States of American, to be American. I found it disturbing that my vision of my country and the part I hold in it was so distinctly dissimilar to a good many people. Not just any people either, but people I have known, admired, respected, and even loved for much of my entire life.
I relish a good, solid, and loud discussion and debate. I have always enjoyed and often greatly benefited from listening to other’s thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. I do not run from verbal encounters as a general principle. Also, in most situations, I am relatively confident in my ability to hear, discern, and express my own thoughts and opinions.
And therein was one of the most distressing aspects of my disagreements leading up to the most recent election. It was like I was not even hearing or speaking the same language. Even when the people who thought and fought for the exact opposite ideas and proposals than I did used the very same words, we were not speaking the same language. How could that be? In some discussions I could not locate even one common denominator between our points. On occasion I felt as if I had been transported to another universe where not much was recognizable to me. Usually in a discussion or debate, there can be a few basic tenets that all parties can come to some place of agreement, some point of consensus. Not this time.
In the not so distant past, most Americans knew who we were, what we valued, how we wanted to interact with each other and with the world. We knew how we wanted to be viewed by other countries. We knew that no matter what, our esteemed ideals of democracy, freedom, truth, and integrity would always hold strong. We knew that no matter what, in the end, our elected officials, our courts, our citizens would choose to do right over their own personal wants or desires. There was a some sense of commonality.
Here’s the thing: Everyone in this country has the privilege to hold his own view of what is important, what has value, what is right. That is exactly how it should be, no misunderstanding there. No one knows everything. No one is privy to all of the answers. Everyone can be wrong. Nothing remains stagnant. Change is inevitable. My choice right now in light of where I find myself as an American is this: I will pivot, but I will not panic. I will continue to listen, but I will not sacrifice my voice. I will work toward compromise whenever it is feasible, but I will not forfeit my values. I like to think that these commitments serve for just about all of us. Well, I am working on it.
bkreigh@adamswells.com
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Editor’s Note: This is one of a series of articles and opinions written by a group of retired and current teachers — Ken Ballinger, Billy Kreigh, Kathy Schwartz, and Anna Spalding. Their intent is to spur discussions at the dinner table and elsewhere. You may also voice your thoughts and reactions via The News-Banner’s letters to editor.