The question came up whether there would be part two to the last column on what a wife can do to be an asset in helping her husband grow to be who God made him to be. My mind again went back to those days when Daniel walked through life hand in hand with me. Life was good; we were in love. Yet, there were days life was more intense. There were those times I wanted to feel those warm fuzzy feelings in our marriage, but I came up with the weariness of life.
Yes, we loved each other, but there were also situations when we didn’t know how to move forward; it felt like there were minimal options to fix our dilemma of conflicting ideas. And if we were to ask for advice, where would we go? Someone who would understand where I was coming from or what he was sensing? Raising voices or pushing a point were tools we knew would never get us where we wanted to go, but what tools were there to use?
At one point, Daniel suggested we quit focusing on what we were both experiencing or feeling and just let go and let God be God in the situation. It was a huge step in the direction that would take us through. Bit by bit, we were able to receive each other more fully and love the other for who they were rather than devaluing the other for what was not understood. Months and even years later, we reflected on the reality that the issue had never really changed, but love had slipped in to cover it as we set our sights on the Lover of our souls.
Along with it came the reality of what happens when, as a wife, I let go of what I would have longed for. Not only was my man allowed to lead, but I also received from his strength in a new way. He, in turn, protected me and led off a platform of stability founded on the reality of who he was made to be in Christ.
Sometimes, simple things helped me understand what I could do for him. Once, I took a sheet of paper and listed numerous ways I could show reverence to him. Here are several of them:
1. Prefer- to consider him better than myself
2. Admire- to stop and behold in wonder, and
3 Love- ardent fellowship, springing from high esteem.
Though I wasn’t living for perfection, it gave me goals as I read over them occasionally and claimed them for our marriage, even when my feelings didn’t all match.
Other scenarios of reverence or honor also helped get a better glimpse of the subject. Take a police officer for example. If the officer stops me on the road, not for a moment will I think of first asking if he’s doing all he should to fill his role; I simply honor him for who he is. Now, what happens when my husband and I are talking? Will I claim the right to evaluate whether or not he understands me or perhaps shut down to where I quit really listening to his heart? Does his oversight in a particular area disqualify him from being honored for who he is?
A couple of weeks after Daniel’s death, I came across a paper written by one of our young children prior to his death. The words had been penned, “Daddy loves Mom. Mom adores Daddy.” My heart overflowed.
I wondered if I ever even expressed to the children how I adored their dad. I don’t know. Children seem to have a way of picking up the unspoken things. As Daniel would say, they seem to understand what we adults feel even before we know ourselves.
Ultimately, wherever we are, may we keep opening our hearts to the Father who deserves all honor, and may He, in turn, empower us to live out his calling in our daily lives.
This week I’ll wrap up with a yummy pumpkin torte recipe similar to what I had for my birthday supper this last week, thanks to my cousins from Ohio. Stay tuned next week for a report on this rare event.
Pumpkin Torte
Crust:
24 graham crackers, crushed
1/3 cup sugar
1 cup butter
Cream Cheese Layer:
8 ounces cream cheese
¾ cup sugar
2 eggs
Pumpkin Layer:
1 /2 cup sugar
1 /2 teaspoon salt
3 eggs, separated
1 /2 cup milk
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 cups pumpkin
1 tablespoon gelatin
1 /4 cup cold water
Crust:
Mix crackers, sugar, and butter and put in a 9 x 13 inch pan.
Cream Cheese Layer:
Mix all together and pour over crust.
Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.
Pumpkin Layer:
Stir gelatin in cool water, set aside.
Mix sugar, salt, egg yolks, milk, cinnamon, and pumpkin in a kettle.
Cook, stirring constantly until thickened.
Remove from heat and add gelatin, soaked in water.
When cooled, beat the egg whites and add to pumpkin mixture.
Pour this on top of cooled crust.
Let stand in refrigerator a few hours and top with whipped topping and if desired, sprinkle with cinnamon.
