I would sit at my desk and look out over my classroom and watch as my students would attack a test with a variety of strategies. I noted the ones that feverishly wrote their answers with such confidence that I knew that a high grade will be written at the top of the page. I studied the students who looked blankly at the page and knew that I’d be spending some time reteaching the concepts to them or finding an alternative way to evaluate their knowledge on the topic. The students that would give me pause were the ones that continually redid their answers. Pieces of eraser were flung about, and tiny holes appeared on the page, as they struggled to get the answer to fit their need to be completely correct. They would spend the entire time allotted rereading, rewording, and changing their answers. Often, they would not finish the test because there would be one question they could not leave unanswered. They would stress to the point of tears or anger and wouldn’t move on to the next question. This overwhelming need for perfection or fear of failure paralyzed them to the point where failure was a certainty. The frequency of students with this mode of thinking increased as time passed. I wondered where society was headed if our population became obsessed with being right with no room for failure. I am saddened to think we are increasingly getting there.
Have you ever sat in a meeting and wanted to shout, “Would someone PLEASE make a decision!” I have. Everyone is so concerned that their decision may not end with success that no decision is made. And if a decision is made and fails, it is someone else’s fault. It was the group’s decision and therefore no one can be identified as the individual that blew it.
I think back on what my dad would expound upon during our many front-porch discussions. He said many profound things, all of which at the time meant very little to me, but now seem so relevant.
Looking directly into my eyes, Dad said, “You need to decide what you are going to do. If things work out that’s great. Chances are they won’t. That’s when you need to do two things. First, own your mistake. Don’t blame someone else. Take ownership of what you did, just as you would if it turns out to be a roaring success. And secondly, sit down and figure out what went wrong so you know the next time what NOT to do.”
Why are people so afraid to take ownership? The way some people are quick to ostracize or dismiss others for errors they perceive as egregious could be a reason. Society is very quick to condemn a person for a mistake and NOT give a second chance to rectify the situation. To take ownership of ones mistakes requires bravery in contemporary society.
During the first few weeks of school, I made it a point to make mistakes that could easily be caught by my students. This was to prove to my students that mistakes were welcome in my classroom. Without mistakes we do not learn. I learned more about a student’s ability by the questions that were missed than the questions that were right. Their mistakes guided me to what needed to be taught. I shared stories of times I made not-so-brilliant choices and discussed what I learned from those decisions. I gave students a second chance to rethink what they had done and to give an alternative that may have resulted in a different ending. Mistakes are not an end but a beginning to growth.
I am first to say that when deciding, a person should evaluate the different choices that are possible and gather as much information as possible before making a decision. Considering the ramifications of your decision is necessary and reduces the impulsivity of the decision, but lingering on the multitude of possibilities can delay past the point of being reasonable. If you spend too long deciding, the situation being addressed could have changed, thus affecting the results. Unless an individual has a giant crystal ball and can read it accurately, a person can not account for every single scenario.
Here’s the thing: How do we move forward and allow our fellow humans to make mistakes without the fear of monumental consequences? Perhaps we need to cultivate a culture where forgiveness is given freely along with the realization that no one person is perfect. It’s okay to be wrong if you strive to not repeat the mistake and truly regret your decision. So put down those erasers and move forward, knowing that you will learn a valuable lesson no matter the outcome.
. mamaschwartz@hotmail.com
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Editor’s Note: This is one of a series of articles and opinions written by a group of retired and current teachers — LaNae Abnet, Ken Ballinger, Billy Kreigh, Kathy Schwartz, and Anna Spalding. Their intent is to spur discussions at the dinner table and elsewhere. You may also voice your thoughts and reactions via The News-Banner’s letters to editor.
