Larisa and I have been preparing for a much-needed vacation. I’ve been staring at a pretty hectic work schedule leading up to it, so I decided to pack early.

Three weeks early.

If we were leaving today (we aren’t), all I need to do is throw some pre-selected shirts in my carry-on bag and head out the door. 

We no longer check our luggage at the airport. One carry-on and backpack are all we need for seven days. We learned the hard way to pack light.

A few years ago we decided — on short notice — to tag along with another couple on their planned Dominican Republic vacation. We decided to go on Sunday and booked a flight on Thursday morning. Mistakes were made and it turned into a comedy of errors.

The weather was horrific, as it is prone to be in February. We drove to Chicago and sat on the plane at O’Hare for six hours while they repeatedly de-iced it. Our friends, meanwhile, left from the Fort Wayne International Airport without issue.

When we finally arrived at our destination, we were informed that Larisa’s luggage was in Minnesota.

Hundreds of dollars later, she had the necessities to last a day or two. A swimsuit, cover-up and flip-flops. 

Everything is expensive at resorts.

That trip was our first experience with Canadians from Canada. We know quite a few Canadians, all of whom currently live in the U.S. There’s a difference.

We became a curiosity to the Canadians from Canada. They only wanted to talk about one thing – Donald Trump.

Once they learned I was in the news industry, it was over for me. They were fascinated by “that orange clown.” Their words, not mine.

I had no interest in talking about politics, I was there to unplug and get away from the world.

I have since learned the only way to turn the tables on a Canadian’s Trump interrogation is to ask “How about Justin Trudeau? That guy is nuts!” It gives me just enough cover for a clean getaway.

I blame the Canadians from Canada but it seems like every English-speaking-non-American person grills us.

By us, I mean me. The newspaper guy. The leader of the free world is important to everyone, not just to the U.S. and our neighbors to the north.

At some point during that trip, our credit card was stolen. When we left for home we had just enough borrowed cash to pay for the transport to the airport. We landed at Midway in Chicago, around midnight on Sunday. We quickly realized that we had flown into the wrong airport. Our car was at O’Hare.

We somehow made it home around 4 a.m. Monday morning, slept minimally and got ready for work at 8 a.m.

So many things went wrong that weekend but we loved it so much. We learned a lot about traveling and have avoided repeating most of the mistakes.

The exception is Trump.

During the Canadian COVID-19 travel bans, there was a reprieve from the endless questions. The resorts were empty and nobody talked to us about politics. There were also significantly fewer English-speaking people around.

I realize this is an election year and the worldwide Trump fascination has ramped up again, but I’m going to do my best to avoid it completely. 

Sorry, Donald, I’m going on vacation with my wife. You’re not invited.

dougb@news-banner.com