Do you get distracted? I get distracted easily. At home I march confidently into a room with clear intention only to discover I’ve forgotten the task that inspired my confident march. I am often found staring into the refrigerator, just wondering how and why I got there. My wife gives me a soft nudge and no words to move along. She knows me. I was searching for an important document when the refrigerator caught my eye and my feet followed to that wonderful food sanctuary.
Distractions are why I cannot think of anything to write right now. Hmm…Write right now. That sounds odd. It seems nothing funny nor interesting is in the playing cards today. Maybe I need a distraction to clear my mind. That’s the ticket. If I walk the dog first, maybe it will free my mind. I mean the walk, not the dog. We don’t have a dog. Maybe we should get a dog.
For sure if I had read those first two paragraphs from a writer (quasi) I would have stopped reading by now. But then I think, how about if I offer the reader a meaningless but interesting distraction. Lists on the internet always get me off the track, so to speak. The other day, a list came up on a news site titled, “Top ten signs you will have dementia.” I’ve got to read that. After clicking through 15 pop-up ads, I finally get to the list. Hallelujah! I only have nine of them. Feeling good. Another was titled, “Top five Universities in the Big Ten.” I’ve got to see where IU and Purdue fall. Next, the “Top ten Sports Illustrated swimsuit models of all time.” I love sports, so there goes another twenty ads and ten minutes.
Here is my meaningless Top Ten list of Spoken Lyrics I propose to distract you from whatever you should be doing. This is my list of songs where the artist talks, rather than sings. It is storytelling, typically preceding a verse or chorus as a setup, or as postscript. Now, sensing that I am losing readers with every word I write, here we go.
As preface, every worthy list begins with number #10 and builds with dramatic intent to #1. With that in mind, I implore you, the reader, to not look immediately to the bottom of the page. Please show some respect for the list as an eclectic artistic creation. Try to demonstrate some self-discipline for once in your life for gosh-sakes.
I will list the song title, the artist, and follow with the salient (according to me) spoken lyric. Eyes up, and hold on to your hats:
#12 – Lonely at the Top – Randy Newman
“You’d think I’d be happy, but I’m not…It’s lonely at the top.”
#11 – The Cover of Rolling Stone – Dr. Hook
“We sing about beauty, and we sing about truth for $10,000 a show.”
#10 – Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown – Jim Croce
“Don’t go round makin’ people strange to you, even if you do got a two-piece custom-made pool cue.”
#9 – I Wish it Would Rain – The Temptations
“Sunshine, blue skies, please go away. My girl has found another and gone away.”
#8 – The Corvette Song – George Jones
“Son you just don’t understand, it ain’t the car I want. It’s the brunette in your ‘Vette that turns me on.”
#7 – I Can’t Write Left-Handed – Bill Withers
(An homage to a Vietnam veteran who had lost his right arm.) “I can’t write left-handed. Would you please write a letter to my mother. I don’t think I’m going to live much longer.”
#6 – Theme from Shaft – Isaac Hayes
“He’s a bad…I’m just talkin’ about Shaft.”
#5 – Hello in There – John Prine (master lyricist)
“We had an apartment in the city…Me and Loretta liked living there. It’s been years since the kids have grown…Left us alone…We lost Davy in the Korean War. I still don’t know what for.”
#4 – A Legend in My Time – Johnny Cash (what a life story)
“If they gave gold statuettes for tears and regrets, I’d be a legend in my time.”
#3 -Taxi – Harry Chapin (master storyteller)
“She gave me $20 for a $2.50 fare and said, “Harry, keep the change.” Well, another man might have been angry, and another man might have been hurt, but another man never would have let her go…I stuffed that bill in my shirt.”
#2 – A Natural Man – Lou Rawls (the incomparable)
“You know, there was a time when someone told you to do something, you did it…Bam! Right On! No questions asked…It was, yes sir, and yes ma’am! You never said no… It’s a new day baby.”
#1 – Big Bad John – Jimmy Dean (sung on every variety show in my youth)
“Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip…and everybody knew ya didn’t give no lip to Big John…At the bottom of this mine lies a big, big man. Big John. Big bad John.
Here’s the thing: That’s the list from a Boomer. A child of the ‘60s. As for you the reader, get back to the work you should be doing…after a stop at the refrigerator of course.
ken.ballinger@yahoo.com
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Editor’s Note: This is one of a series of articles written by a group of retired and current teachers — LaNae Abnet, Ken Ballinger, Billy Kreigh, Kathy Schwartz, and Anna Spalding. Their intent is to spur discussions at the dinner table and elsewhere. You may also voice your thoughts and reactions via The News-Banner’s letters to editor.
