I was standing in the line at the grocery, leaning on my cart, glancing to the left and right, patiently waiting my turn to “pay up.” To my left were shelves offering a cornucopia of temptations: Snickers, Kit Kats, various flavors of gum, beef jerky sticks … OK, I stopped right there. Who eats beef jerky, really? Why is it called “jerky”? I mean, if I were going to trek across a tundra that had no food or eating establishments, then maybe a salted, dehydrated, hardened, piece of leather-meat that could last for several years without refrigeration or care might just fill the need. The Snickers was a far wiser choice for me.
The layered magazine shelves also gave me pause. Not the ones I call “regular” magazines, but the ones with headlines shouting in all caps: “WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO A GORILLA!!!” or something equally disturbing as “MAN MURDERS SISTER OF HIS NIECE’S DAUGHTER WITH HIS NEPHEW’S FAVORITE LEGO!!!” I wondered for the 4,000th time, who reads these? Somebody must, because they are still being printed. I think, would I like to be in close proximity with a person who could think this stuff up? The answer is always a resounding “nope. A hard pass nope.”
But, that is not what actually drew my attention on this particular Monday. It was the brief conversation between the customer ahead of me and the cashier. The cashier, making casual conversation asked “Did you find everything you were looking for?” To this rather standard inquiry, the young man – probably in his early 30s – chuckled and replied, “Yep, wife is pregnant and I am so dang tired! I have to do everything now, and while sitting with her feet propped up, she said she had to have peppermint ice cream; so here I am. I can’t wait for this whole thing to be over so we can go back to a normal life!” The cashier, an “older” woman – probably in her early 60s, smiled as she carefully placed the peppermint ice cream in the plastic bag, and said, “Good luck with that normal life thing with a newborn.” He nodded in an oblivious sort of way, picked up the bag, and headed for the exit.
Being next in line, I moved my cart forward and began unloading my haul. The cashier, foregoing the usual “did you find everything” question, looked right at me and asked the most interesting question I heard all day. “Do you ever wonder how things would be different if men got pregnant?” Neither of us smiled or chuckled or grimaced. No, we both just paused in mid-movement and gave that a thought. Then we proceeded with the transaction. She rang the stuff up and I whipped out my MC, gathered my purchases, and headed for the exit.
But do you know what? That question stayed with me the entire day. It certainly wasn’t the first time the thought had ever crossed my mind, but for some reason it lingered — dare I say, plagued me — for the rest of the day and much of the evening. In fact, when I finally got home and put away the groceries, I found myself sitting with my journal writing down all of the things that might be different if men could get pregnant. Well, one thing quite led to another; I finally forced myself to stop when I had several pages. The last entry was a snarky headline for one of those sensation rags “WORLD CHANGES DRAMATICALLY AS SCIENCE DISCOVERS SECRET TO MEN GETTING PREGNANT!!!!” And yes, I did smile, chuckle, and then grimace.
I smiled and chuckled when I imagined men with swollen ankles, lower back pain from walking and sitting to accommodate and balance the extra 25-50 pounds they were carrying in front of them, strangers approaching them, putting their hands on their stomachs and asking, “When are you due? Gosh, you are really big!” And labor … I honestly tried, with minimal success, to not linger on that particular thought.
About here the grimace kicked in. Wanted pregnancy, unwanted pregnancy, “surprise” pregnancy, forced pregnancy, laws and legislation concerning pregnancy, religion and pregnancy, the varied costs of pregnancy (and this would definitely include, but certainly not be limited to, financial), “rights” of pregnancy, parental leave, surrogacy, family planning (it has been said before and may warrant some thought that if men could become pregnant, most families would have one child), dating behaviors and expectations, birth control issues, abortion, early childhood education, adoption, fewer jokes and judgments about losing the “baby fat” following giving birth, definition and ramifications of rape, understanding about morning sickness, maybe fewer questions about the decision to return to work after the paternity leave, funding for childcare (certainly in the workplace), understanding hormonal effects and changes … That’s quite a beginning list for us to consider, is it not?
Each of these, and the myriad others that I am confident will pop into your mind, lead to a thousand other thoughts. Interestingly, when we begin contemplating any of these, we may wonder, eventually, why anything would change at all if it were men who became pregnant. If the laws, legislation, thoughts, concerns, and measures are established for the ultimate care of the pregnant person, what possible difference could it make if that person were male or female? I am just asking the question. Each of us will have to develop our own response.
Here’s the thing: So far, it is physically impossible for a male to conceive and give birth, but there are a bazillion things that are possible in 2022 that were not in 1822, for instance. We cannot suppose that it will never be possible for men to get pregnant; all of the potential effects of such an alteration to “the way it has always been,” well, there’s the rub, so to speak. If you are female and acquainted with any males, it might be interesting to ask them the question, “How would things change if you could get pregnant?” If you are male and sharing a beer with a couple of pals watching a golf match, when play gets slow, maybe that question would be a conversation starter. The initial response in either case might indeed be a smile or chuckle, but that will undoubtedly be replaced with a different response, given even a modicum of thought.
———
Editor’s Note: This is one of a series of articles written by a group of retired and current teachers — Ken Ballinger, Jean Harper, Billy Kreigh, Marianne Darr-Norman, and Anna Spalding. Their intent is to spur discussions at the dinner table and elsewhere. You may also voice your thoughts and reactions via The News-Banner’s letters to editor.
