I have an affinity for simple. You know the KISS thing – keep it simple stupid. Simply stated, simple works best for me. Here’s an example: I love real mashed potatoes smothered in fat noodles saturated with a stick of butter. And if one is so inclined to add some corn to my plate, you will not hear me complaining. I often prefer solitude and quiet. A good book, a Pepsi, salty pretzels, and no phone ringing creates a perfect afternoon. Being with my family, talking with good friends, listening to the Beach Boys, Simon and Garfunkel, Everly Brothers, Elvis, or Queen also contribute to a “good day.” Summer walks when the humidity is low enough that I do not feel as if I am breathing underwater is always a plus. Laughter is a key component when I consider the simple pleasures of my life. Well, for the sake of time, yours and mine, I will move on. You are welcome.
It occurs to me with some regularity that humans have a tendency to make some things harder than they have to be. Hang with me here a moment and let’s see if we can figure this out. In its very elemental state, life is pretty clear cut. Basically, once anything or anyone is alive, it will die. Whoa, you say, lighten up Kreigh. Not trying to be the proverbial “downer” here, but that is a fact. If it is alive, it will die, no control required.
Now, once that fact is established, accepted, and internalized, the priorities from there are what happens between those two distinct point s – the moment you take your first breath and the moment you take your last. So, let’s look at some of the options, shall we?
Ok, there are the obvious things: birth, growing up, education, family, marrying or not marrying, having kids or not having kids, friendships, settling down or not, career/job, working, playing, thinking,….you get the idea.
The thing is this: there are many aspects of living on this planet where we have no control. That may come as a shock to some, especially those who exist under that illusion that they have control over their lives. I was married for 48 years to one such person. Rex fervently and adamantly insisted that he controlled his life. It used to irritate me at times and at other times I had to shake my head and covertly smile.
Truth be told, we have seriously very little which we actually control. Think about it; make a list of the areas in life where you have control. I reckon it will ultimately be a rather short list. So, what’s a person to do? Just let life happen and passively observe? Would not be my choice, but I would never tell you what to choose.
What did you include on that list? What you eat? When you go to bed? Where you live? What job you have? Ok, I will concede that in those areas we can and do hold some semblance of control. But not entirely – many of those decisions and actions are influenced, if not dictated, by precedent, how, where, and by whom we were raised – among other contributors.
We did not control who gave birth to us, where we grew up, relatives, siblings. what we were fed, what people were in our lives, what beliefs were held by those around us…for starters. And each of these integrated and merged into much of who and how we are right now. Whether we are 4, 16, 44, or 75 – a great deal of who we are, what we think, what we believe, how we behave, what we value or devalue – was “given” to us before we even knew what was happening.
We could very easily spend days considering all of the things in our lives which we “learned” in those first 18 years of our lives. I began this saying that I like simple, so let’s keep it simple.
Simply put we cannot control whatever is happening every moment, nor can we control what those around us do or say or think. Our power lies in our being able to choose not to allow events or people to control our emotions, reactions, and responses.
How we achieve this personal control is not some wimpy challenge, is it? How very often I have let events or others dictate my reactions and responses. It is not easy to control these things; anyone who says differently is either lying or in a coma.
I never asked my students to do something that I was not willing to do myself. When I asked you to make a list, I made one also. Without any prompting, I will share a very abbreviated list of those things over which I might wield a modicum of control.
Simply:
* opinions need not define my reality
* it is unrealistic and incredibly unfair to expect anyone else to be responsible for my happiness
* what goes around comes around, hence it behooves me to be aware of what I am putting out there
* I do not want to waste any time or energy over things that will not matter in the last 5 minutes of my life (I actually quite like this one and yes, it initiated another list)
Here’s the thing: Life by its very nature often is difficult. There is no credible reason for us to make it harder for anyone, consciously or inadvertently. Consider the potential outcome if we all simply treated others exactly how we want to be treated; that we can control. We want a better world, we need to be better people. It simply makes sense..
bkreigh@adamswells.com
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Editor’s Note: This is one of a series of articles written by a group of retired and current teachers — LaNae Abnet, Ken Ballinger, Billy Kreigh, Kathy Schwartz, Anna Spalding. Their intent is to spur discussions at the dinner table and elsewhere. You may also voice your thoughts and reactions via The News-Banner’s letters to editor.
