Goat wanted: Must eat everything

May 17, 2013 — By Jerry Battiste

So, we just bought a rather large, old house with a full acre of property. The house was built in 1928 and originally had a sculptured sunken garden in the back.
What we have now is a full acre of saplings, weeds, vines, poison ivy; a couple ground hogs and a few hundred rather large boulders which once must have once been part of the garden edging.
My lawn mower is not really much use to me here, hence my need for a goat.
I was asking some folks I knew if they had any idea where I could find a goat and was met some rather odd responses:
“You know, a goat will eat shrubs.”
Good.
“A goat will eat your baby trees.”
Great.
“A goat is gonna eat everything green right down to the dirt.”
Perfect!
If I can hoist the goat up into my trees to clear up some dead branches that will be even better.
Look folks, I understand what a goat is capable of, that’s why I need one.
On our property, everyone has a job. The dog is for protection, the kids are for general amusement and the goat will be there to clear the jungle we are currently calling the “Back 40.”
My plan is to build it a little goat house. A wire fence and some straw, access to fresh water; everything a goat needs to be content and even happy.
I’ll take him out to an area I need ‘mowed’ on a short chain — just long enough to cover the area required for “clearing” and let him have at it.
He probably won’t eat the boulders, although I’m hoping I am wrong about that.
Goats are ill-tempered and likely to bite, which doesn’t bother me in the least. I plan to give him a side job of making certain the children do their homework.
“Last kid done with their homework has to walk the goat!”
If one goat does as well as I think he will then I’ll get another. A girl. I sense baby goats being the eventual product of that match, and an abundance of goat’s milk. And homemade goat’s cheese.
(I’ll bring the Greek salad to the next company picnic.)
I realize I’m a concrete kid at heart, but there’s a bit of farm boy in me too. You can’t spend most of your adult life in rural Indiana without getting a little mud in your veins and poop on your shoes.
I’ve probably spent more time on farms than I have in the city (which really says a lot) and I’ve grown accustomed to the critters who make their homes there.
Chickens will be the next farmyard animals to join our working crew here at the Battiste Ranch. I’m looking forward to fresh eggs in the morning and some nice homemade fried chicken every now and again.
But all that comes later. Right now, I really just need a goat.
Anyone have an extra goat, just email me.
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Tweet me: @jerrybattiste

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